More of the writing story. I find that it depends what I am writing as to what style I use. If I am writing a court report I am factual. If I am writing for fun I tend to write with a little more imagination. Writing is a way to release thoughts from my mind and to allow me to relieve stress from what is bothering me. I sometimes think I have nothing to write about but then I just start writing and the words start flowing. I think I have to be in the mood to write because sometimes I can't start or get confused about what I want or should write about.

On a different note, I have just lost my sister to cancer afte a seven year battle. Even though we knew it was going to happen it didn't make it easier to deal with. This has brought up a lot of feelings regarding losing my son in March. I had a difficult time this past week and have started questioning what is important to me. I realize it is my goal to get my Masters degree in Social Work because I want to be there to help families that need help. I want to let them know there is some one who cares about what they are going through and there is help. I may struggle with this goal at times but I will not give up. This I have promised myself.

Life is too short not to do what you want.

I realized that I need to be more creative and use the right side of my brain more. I will work on it by being more creative and looking at things from a different perspective. I will use more when I write and make notes or write letters. I remember when I was younger I loved to draw pictures but now I no longer draw. I wondere what happened that made me stop drawing. I have had a rough week emotionally and am in need of some down time. I think I will just kick back and relax for a few days. This is something I never do. I need to just not take life so seriously and enjoy it instead.

Okay so I am not an artist and discovered I can't even draw. I realized that in order to stay motivated I need to keep my goal in sight. I have decided to make short term goals that will assist me in reaching my main goal. Creativity is not my strong point. I also have trouble with starting papers but once I get past the writers block I seem to do okay. It seems I need to be in the mood to write. Being positive can take a toll on a person. Today I had someone tell me I look tired. I thanked them for telling me in a kind way that I look like s***t. I must have looked terrible. I was a rough week at work. Thankfully I started my homework earlier and had most of it completed.  

Well my sister is doing much better. She is out of critical care and at my brothers house. His wife is now caring for her until she is strong enough to care for herself. The family has realized someone will need to always check in with her when she goes back home.

Now for the rest of the story. I realized this week that no matter how much training and education you have there are still difficult situations that deem you useless and are out of your control . I am not a big fan of free writing and it is very difficult for me. I think I need to have a purpose for everything. Just like going to school there is a purpose for furthering my education. Sometimes I just have to accept that I can't fix everything.

I sometimes find it amusing to complete surveys on nothing at all that is of interest to me.  Do the surveys really have a purpose and where does all of the data go. Just a thought.

I can't believe I am halfway through this semester. I thought it would be more difficult. I'm not saying it is easy but when I think "university" I think of a more higher standard for everything. I guess I thought I could never do it and just can't believe I am actually attending a university. If someone would have told me years ago that I would be attending a university I would have thought them crazy and just think I am wanting to complete my Masters Degree. Well anyway. I am here and doing it. Go me!

Right now I am having a crisis in my family. My younger sister has stage four bone cancer. She was diagnosed 4 years ago and had one of her breasts removed which is where the cancer was initially found. She has been through 6 sessions of chemo therapy and is currently in the middle of her 7th treatment. She went through radiation once and was burnt so bad that she refused to participate again. The doctors give her approximately 3 years to live. On Tuesday, she was admitted into the hospital and has been there ever since. She has pneumonia which resulted with fluids settling in her lungs. The doctors sedated her in order to put a scope in her lungs to see why she is having difficulty breathing and learned her lungs have cancer in them. The doctor has left her sedated in order for her to try and heal herself from the pneumonia. Their plan is to take the breathing tubes out on Friday and see if she can recover. My sister has relayed that she does not want to live her last days hooked up to machines. The family will respect her wishes and will not keep her connected to machines. We all hope that she recovers and is able to breath on her own. If she does recover, she will no longer go to her scheduled chemo therapy as it is not helping, according to her doctor. Out goal will be to try and provide her with the best quality of life until her time comes. This is what she wants. I accept what she wants and respect her decision. I feel powerless. As a social worker, I want to help but instead have decided not to cross those boundaries because this is what she wants. Even with the education and trainings that I have attended, it is difficult just sitting back and watching.

School was so much simpler when I was younger. Now that I am older and more mature it seems harder. I forgot how time consuming it was. even though I have been taking classes for the past 3 years. I was able to pick and choose how many I was taking. This semester seems out of control because of the number of classes i am attending. Even though I feel overwhelmed, I will succeed. I am resilient and have the desire to finish. Stress is so overtaking that sometimes I don't recognize when I am stressed. I need to learn to step back and "smell the roses." To me empowering other people is so rewarding in itself. I love to watch people move from the helplessness stage to being in power of their life. You can actually see the light bulb come on in a person when they realize they have power. Life is so funny and rewarding.

This is so frustrating. I have deadlines to meet, papers to write and presentations due and I can't seem to figure out how to post. This better work. STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is learning how to manage everything!

Here are my grandchildren with their dad's.

When I started this adventure of earning my degree in Social Work I didn't realize how time consuming it would be. The time it will take to complete my degree is going to get me down. I feel I have been in school already for some time and it will take another 3 years to complete my Bachelors degree and another 2 years after that to complete my Masters degree. My goal is to complete my Masters and I will. I like instant gratification and this is not instant. I will just keep plugging away when I feel down about it and remind myself the original reason I started this adventure which is ti help families and children. My role in my education will be an active role. I will be reading material that is not required to get a broader perspective of the field. I may even subscribe to journals in social work if they are not too expensive. Sometimes I will be just in it for the ride but not all the time. I plan to take control and be an active learner to better assist the families that need the help and try to change the system to make it better. I will be contributing in the distance learning process. I am glad this program is available to me and will take advantage of this opportunity to the fullest. I was never a traditional student in high school and this DL is just what I needed to further my education.  This Blogging is new to me and I still do not have the hang of it but I will given time.

My life.

My name is Sheila Davis. I need to provide you with some information about my life before I tell you why I became a social worker. I have 4 children, two boys and 2 girls. I have 2 grandchildren, one boy age 6 and one girl who is 18 months. My boys were the ones to have kids and not my girls. This was very surprising to me. I was a single parent who basically raised all four of my children with little help from the father. Just so you know he died in 2005. We were married for nine years and I think most of those years I was subjected to abuse. My kids are all adults now and live their own lives. I recently lost one of my sons to a vehicle accident and spend as much time as I can with the remaining three. I have not been able to see my grandson since the accident but I am currently working on that matter. Raising my kids was tough and I did some things I am not proud of but we managed to get through it. I learned along the way and I think my children turned out okay. They have their problems and I blame myself because of the lifestyle I chose to live. I realize this now and this has been the reason I became a social worker. I want to help those families and children who are experiencing some of the things I put my children through. I sit back and study my kids and have learned that they show the effects of the abuse. They are living proof that they were affected. I want to make sure the parents are aware that what they are doing right now will affect their children when they become adults.  I have been working as a social worker for five years and before that I managed housing. I discovered while I was managing houses I was also connected and had immediate contact with the lives of the tenants. So in a sense I was doing social work then. I have an associate degree in social science which I received in 1991 and I am starting my BA this semester in social work. You could say I am doing it backwards because I am already a social worker but have no education pertaining to it. I have the life skills though and I think in this job it carries more weight than the formal education. My goal is to continue to work for child welfare because I enjoy what I do. Later, I might work on getting my LCSW. I am apprehensive to learning the formal education because I am afraid I will fail. I have anxiety right now because it feels like I am carrying a full load and it has been a long time since I have carried a full load. I work full time and worry about not having enough time to complete all of the assignments when they are due. I am proud of myself for continuing with my education even though it is very scary. That about sums it up for me except one more thing, I have a great relationship with the tribes as my children are ¼ Karuk. My oldest daughter weaves beautiful baskets the traditional way. I help her gather materials. This is a tough job.